Confidence for Kids Through Tutoring: A Dad's Tale

Staff Writer - December 20th, 2010 10:59 AM PST

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Shy kids run in my family.

When I was younger, I was the very definition of a wallflower. I'd spend my life skulking in the background, never wanting to draw attention to myself, always perfectly happy to just float along with the crowd. Of course, the fact that I had glasses and braces and wasn't the most athletic of kids didn't help either. When my dad was alive, he'd say exactly the same thing: he was always one of those guys you only ever see out of the corner of your eye, who you never really notice because they never really do anything.

Perhaps it's for that reason that I stepped in when my son seemed to be having problems with his confidence. He was fine when he was younger, as outgoing as any of his other friends, but that changed a little when he started going to high school. He became more quiet and withdrawn, much more shy, and much less willing to talk to new people. In short, he seemed kind of miserable.

No parent wants to think that their kid might be having a rough time of it. At first, me and my wife put it down to him just finding his feet at his new school, and then after a couple of weeks of things not changing, we started to think that maybe there was a situation with his friends or his girlfriend that was making him distant and withdrawn, or even a bully who was hassling him. We let him know we were there to talk if he needed to, but he said he was fine. Teenagers, we thought. We've all been there.

He'd been at his new school for a couple of months when his first report card came in. It was... well, let's say 'less-than-stellar'. It wasn't bad by any means, but Tom had always worked hard to get good grades -- and they didn't always come easily to him, either -- and these were frankly a bit of a disappointment. They certainly weren't going to be enough to get him into the kind of college he had his heart set on. It was time to have a talk.

He denied there was any issue at first. He said he'd just had a bad semester, that a lot of kids struggle to settle in, that he was sure his grades would improve. It was just a matter of time. Except I didn't believe that.

'We spoke to your teacher,' I said eventually.

'Yeah?' he said, a little nervously. Hearing that your folks have spoken to your teacher is never good news.

'She said you're not really participating in class.'

'I am. Sort of.'

'Sort of?'

'Yeah.'

'So what's the problem?'

'I don't know,' he shrugged. 'What if I get it wrong?'

'It doesn't matter.' Even as I said it, I knew I was lying. It does matter -- not to the teacher, or to the other kids, but if you're not exactly the most confident person to start off with and you keep making mistakes, it can be a real blow to your self-esteem. I used to be that kid. I should have realized. We spoke for a couple of hours that night. It was the longest conversation I'd had with my son in quite a while. Eventually, we came to an understanding, and he agreed that hiring a tutor on a temporary basis might be a good idea.

It worked wonders for his confidence. Being at home, in friendly surroundings and not having to worry about impressing anyone made him re-energize his approach to learning. If he made a mistake, his tutor explained what was wrong and got him to try again. That was all. No recriminations, no downsides -- just encouragement to use the skills he already had in order to solve problems.

Three months later, when his next report card came in, the results were radically different. He was back to his old standard again (or even better) in all of his subjects, even the ones he wasn't tutored in especially. The tutoring had helped to bring him out of his shell, to make him secure enough to raise his hand in class and try that much harder to push his grades up, without fear of failure.

It just goes to show: sometimes a little confidence boost is all you need.

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How Tutoring at Age 9 Can Impact Age 40+

Staff Writer - September 24th, 2010 12:29 PM PDT

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When I was younger, my parents hired a tutor in order to help me boost my grades. Now I wasn't stupid by any means... in fact, I was pretty much a straight B student. I just didn't see the point in education. When was I going to need to know Pythagoras's Theorem, or colonial history, or the Ideal Gas Law, or any number of other ridiculously arcane pieces of trivia that only seemed to have any value between the pages of a school textbook? Never, I thought. Why waste my time with it?

My parents, to their credit, didn't have quite the same level of nonchalance as far as my education was concerned. They'd seen me when I was a small child (top of the class, always with a book in my hand, very keen on getting good grades) up until about the age of eight. After that, they started to slip a little... not a lot, but enough that they started to worry. They looked in the local paper, and they found me a tutor. Two hours a week, reasonable rates... they interviewed a couple of other potentials, but deemed him to be the best fit. His name was Tony, and every Wednesday afternoon for nearly fifteen months, he came to my house and taught me English, History and Science.

I hated it. I mean, I loathed it. With every fiber of my being I tried to avoid these classes, but to no avail: every Wednesday he'd turn up, no matter how difficult I was, no matter how sick I pretended to be. Eventually, it got to the stage where Tony asked me, straight out, why I hated our classes so much.

I couldn't answer him. I thought about it, long and hard, and I couldn't come up with an answer that satisfied me. Several years later, I realized that it probably had a lot to do with a lingering sense of resentment. I was a smart kid... why did I need tutoring when all my friends could go outside and have fun? Why did they find it so easy? Of course, this resentment meant that I wasn't applying myself in school as well as I might otherwise, and so my grades wound up slipping as a natural result.

Eventually, though, I realized that he wasn't going anywhere. My parents weren't going to budge, and they were going to keep forcing me into classes until my grades improved. And slowly but surely, they did. And as they crept up, I found my mood improving. Work had started to seem more fun, and as I began to enjoy the fact that I understood concepts that had previously bothered me, I was able to put that much more effort into things without getting disheartened and giving up.

As I said, I ended up being tutored for almost fifteen months, and after that I only sporadically kept in touch with Tony. So did it help? Absolutely. I passed my exams, got into college, found a good job as a writer for a local paper. But I didn't stop learning. I'd been bitten by the bug by that point. Far from avoiding these subjects, I picked up book after book on them, hungry to learn more. I started to revel in education rather than avoiding it, and it felt good.

So where am I now? I'm about to start work on my second novel: a fictional retelling of the discovery of electricity. It's a topic that I found myself getting drawn to a couple of years ago, and the more I researched it, the more I thought there could be a successful book in it. Is this down to my tutoring? I think so. Without it, I would probably never have rediscovered my love for learning: it was at the top-flight college I attended that I met my future wife, and at the postgraduate job where I found my love of writing. Without these things, the entire focus of my life would have been changed.

And given that I'm pretty contented with how things have worked out, I think that would have been a great shame.

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How a In-Home Tutoring Service Helped a Busy Mom

Staff Writer - September 1st, 2010 3:31 PM PDT

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I came from a big family, and so did my husband -- there's a total of eight brothers and sisters-in-law between us (not including the ones we gained by marriage) -- and so it seemed perfectly natural to want a big family of our own. As it happened, we stopped at three (which seems positively tiny to a lot of our relatives), but is just right for us. However, there are certain situations that make it surprisingly difficult to forget the fact that we're an above-average sized family.

Take school, for example. Between school trips, pick-ups, drop-offs, tennis, soccer practice and other after-school clubs, it often doesn't feel like there's enough time in the day -- and that's before you get to the academic side of things. Checking that three fairly rambunctious girls between ten and fifteen have done their homework and aren't struggling in class is often a pretty big job all on its own, made all the more time-consuming when you take into account science-fair projects, book reports, exam revision... In short, it's easy to see that it can be very difficult to handle it all.

So that's why my husband and I decided to hire a tutor, Simone. When we tell people, their first response tends to be 'Isn't that a bit... you know, expensive?', but we've found that it actually works out pretty reasonably. It's only for a couple of hours every week, and she splits her time up pretty evenly between all three girls. If one is struggling with something particularly this week, she'll spend a little bit more time working through it with Simone, knowing that next week it'll be her sisters' turn. It's a real boost to know that they're being tutored in a way that can actually help them, rather than me and my husband umming and ahhing our way through the school syllabus. They can still come to us for help if they need it, but having a tutor there means that they've got professional help to fall back on, which makes everyone feel a lot more secure in their education... I mean, sure, I have read To Kill a Mockingbird, but it was twenty years ago: can I really help them break it down in a way that's meaningful to their studies? Unfortunately, probably not. The same for math, science, geography... my own schooling was half a lifetime away. Who's to say I'm still telling them the right things?

Another big advantage of having Simone come to the house is that we don't need to worry about transportation issues. If we had to take the girls to a tutor individually, that's six trips per week (there and back) on top of all of our other commitments. Having her arrive at the same time every week, rain or shine, means that it's one less thing for us to worry about in terms of our daily schedule. If my husband or I have to work late, it's not the end of the world: Sophie (the eldest) knows the drill by now, and she's more than capable of sorting out what needs to be done. If we had to work out a way of getting the kids across town on their own after school, it could easily turn into a logistical nightmare.

Best of all, though, is seeing how happy the girls are to learn. It's really revolutionized the way they see their schoolwork. They seem more confident in class, more willing to pick up a book outside of what they need to do for work (although, thankfully, that's never really been an issue anyway), and generally happier. Taking some of the struggle out of their schoolwork means that they can afford to spend time being kids -- having fun with their friends, going to movies, spending time with the family -- rather than constantly trying to cram for exams or write papers inefficiently. It might seem paradoxical, but spending a little bit more time in a tutoring environment every week has really given them a lot more time to themselves -- and as Simone made it so easy to use her services, the adults get the best of both worlds too.

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Learning for Life: How Childhood Tutoring Helped Me Later On

Staff Writer - August 20th, 2010 3:17 PM PDT

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One of the funniest things about an education is that you don't really appreciate it until afterwards.

At school, I was... well, let's just say I wasn't the most involved of students. In fact, I hated it with a passion. I resented being forced to pay attention to algebra and loathed having to try to decipher Shakespeare, but I saved a special disgust for history. Military history, social history, political history... I hated it all. There was nothing in that classroom that I could remotely stand -- a fact that always annoyed my dad, who was a bit of a history nut himself, and would always be flicking through one book or other on the subject. Anything from the Punic Wars to Boston Tea Party to the Magna Carta... if it had happened at some point before he was born, it fascinated him. 'Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it,' he'd say whenever he was questioned on why it interested him so much, and that was that: no further explanation could possibly be required. Unfortunately, it appeared that if I didn't get my grades up, I'd have been repeating a lot more than merely history.

So I ended up with a tutor. Originally, he was brought in to go through the basics with me -- math, science, English. It wasn't as though I was struggling with them; instead, I just wasn't applying myself. School was boring to me. I knew (or rather, I felt I knew, and in most cases I was right) what was being taught already, and I felt tired of being made to work at the rate of the slowest person in the class. I'd spent too long champing at the bit, and I'd grown tired of the struggle. I was perfectly happy to see out my academic life in pasture, not really putting any more than a token amount of effort in. If I knew I could do it, why did I need to prove myself to anyone?

Of course, that wasn't really the right approach, and he saw through it right away. As soon as he gave me the extra push and some work that was challenging to me, school suddenly managed to become interesting. The extra commitment forced me out of my comfort zone and made me actually try in classes -- and once I started trying, my grades improved (as you'd expect). More than that, though, I started to really become involved in my learning for the first time in my life. The teachers at my school were at a loss for words. The more work they threw at me, the more I lapped it up. All of a sudden, I was like a bucket that they just couldn't manage to fill.

The weird thing is, even though I was enjoying it at the time, I didn't realize what it was setting me up for in the long run. When I finally did leave school to go to college -- my first choice college, I hasten to add -- I took with me a greater desire to learn. I'd find myself picking up books on subjects that previously would never have interested me, all because it tied into a love of finding out about the world around me. The best part of it all was during Christmas that first year. I'd come home after my first semester at college, and my dad was talking about some obscure historical detail (showing off a little, I have to say), and I was able to correct him when he made a mistake. For a man who valued education so highly, it was nice to finally be able to discuss things like that with him as equals, rather than him talking and talking and me having no idea what he was really saying.

Is that all I got out of it? No. Knowing that I could apply myself helps me near-constantly in my day to day life, in everything from vying for promotions to my social life. It's made me more confident in my own abilities -- not brash or arrogant, but sure that if I put my mind to it I can reach my goals.

And really, what's education for if not to help you reach the heights you want to reach?

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Instructor: How I Made a Difference (also in myself)

Staff Writer - August 2nd, 2010 3:10 PM PDT

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I used to teach music at a school in the middle of a city that can remain nameless, and I hated it. I hated having to go in every morning to give lessons to people who didn't want to learn. I hated all the internal school politics. I hated being co-opted into manning detentions and after-school trips on buses with crowds of rowdy little things. I'd even started to dislike the kids themselves. But I loved the piano.

I didn't used to dislike teaching. When I was younger, when I first got into it, going into work every morning was a joy in and of itself. I'd look forward to instilling young people with the same desire to learn and enjoy and instrument that I had myself, but year after year, I found myself feeling more and more disenfranchised with the whole thing. The worst students were disruptive, and the best -- few as they were -- always stayed in my class for too short a time for me to really get to know them as individuals. I think that's why, when the opportunity arose for me to move out of the city and to a small town in New England, I took it with both hands.

Once I got there, I soon decided I didn't want to work in a school anymore. I set myself up as an independent music tutor and took to it with open arms, soon building up a portfolio of students who really wanted to learn how to play. I was teaching kids of all ages, and adults too. Now of course, it wasn't perfect, but I finally had the say in who I could teach. If I didn't get on with a student, I could always draw a close to our professional relationship. For those I did get on with, however, it was easy to build a much stronger rapport with them than I'd ever been able to find in a classroom.

One of these was Stephanie. When her parents got in touch with me, Stephanie was ten years old, and looking to pick up an instrument. She'd never shown an interest before, but now she was starting to make moves towards the piano. It was a little late for a first-timer, they explained apologetically (and unnecessarily; it's never too late to sit down on a piano stool for the first time), but would I be able to teach her?

The first time she sat down at a piano, she poked at it tentatively, curiously. Before long, she was playing simple melodies, getting to grips with scales, and practicing arpeggios -- and as she did it, we got talking. We'd discuss her schoolwork, things she was worried about... really, anything that was playing on her mind. Even if it was just for a couple of minutes at the start and the end of her lesson, we'd still talk about things, and it really helped me to get to know her as a person as well as a student. It made all the difference to someone who had previously felt distanced from the whole idea of teaching and the lack of one-to-one interaction between teacher and student. When she met her first boyfriend, she excitedly told me all about him in between Beethoven and Mozart; when they broke up a couple of months later, it was Bach and Chopin that helped her through it. I saw in her the same enthusiasm for piano that I had, and it was nice to be able to pass on the knowledge that I'd spent a lifetime of practice gaining onto someone else who could really appreciate it.

That was eight years ago. Over those eight years, Stephanie became an adult. I've seen her confidence and skill in her playing abilities skyrocket, along with her social prowess. The little girl who came to me all that time ago is about to go to college, and she's taking with her a love of piano that I'm proud to take some credit for -- it's a gift that I hope she'll pass on to a young person when she gets older herself. 

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2 Sisters - How Tutoring Improved the Teenage Years

Staff Writer - July 15th, 2010 2:54 PM PDT

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There's an easy way to tell if someone's a parent or not: ask them what it's like to raise a teenager. If they say something along the lines of 'Well, how hard can it be, really?', you can be sure they've never had kids of their own (and you get the warm, fuzzy feeling that comes from knowing what they're in for when their time comes). That's not to say that it isn't an absolute joy, because it is -- at times. At other times, it's a complete uphill struggle. As soon as my two girls hit thirteen, they went from being outgoing and talkative to introspective, quiet, and generally pretty unwilling to chat about anything. 'How was your day?' I'd ask when they got back from school, and after a while I got used to not getting a response beyond 'OK, I guess' -- if that. And it's not because they're bad kids, or otherwise surly or badly-behaved. There's just something about those difficult teenage years that means you suddenly don't have much to say to people of a certain age.

When we hired a tutor for our girls, it was originally to great protest. They argued that their grades were fine -- which they were, I have to admit -- but they seemed to be showing less and less enthusiasm for their work on an almost daily basis, and there was definitely room for improvement. Rather than risk letting things slip and later struggling to catch up, my husband and I decided to take the bull by the horns and fix the problem before it started.

Initially, they didn't really take to tutoring particularly well. They wanted to be outside in the fresh air, or meeting their friends, but they stuck with it. Slowly but surely, they came to almost enjoy their weekly classes. Concepts that they'd struggled to grasp completely in the classroom were suddenly allowed to take shape and grow in their minds, massively reducing their stress levels. Additionally, knowing that they were capable of doing things they'd previously had trouble mastering was a big boost to their confidence levels. If anything, I think that had more to do with their improved grades than the actual facts they were taught in their tutoring sessions, but it's really all part of the package that a good tutoring service provides. A combination of different approaches to learning can really help kids to soak up knowledge and apply it in everyday life.

Ellie, the eldest of my daughters, benefited especially from the tutoring. She was always kind of a quiet kid, but in recent months she'd grown even more distant and withdrawn. Through studying English with her tutor, however, she really developed a passion for the subject that I'd never seen in her before. She'd always been a big reader, but all of a sudden she was reading even more, as well as writing -- both as a hobby, and in order to see if she could get printed in the school newspaper. One day, though, she came home looking worried. When I asked her what was wrong, she came straight out with it -- something she never would have done six months before -- and explained that she'd auditioned for a part in the school play and was worried about whether or not she'd got a role. I was shocked: my shy little girl wanting to get on stage in front of however-many people and act? It was so unlike what I was used to from her, but I was proud to see her going for things she wanted, rather than just muddling through life.

As it happens, she did get a role: not the one she went for, admittedly, but a fairly substantial one at that. When we went to see her perform, my husband and I were blown away by how self-assured she seemed, and how confident she was acting with the other people on stage -- people who in many cases had been acting for years. Without the boost that tutoring gave to her confidence, I'm sure she never would have started treading the boards, and she never would have found a new hobby that she keeps up even now at college.

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8 Easy Ways to Get SAT Prep Help

Dr. Patricia Fioriello - July 8th, 2010 1:17 PM PDT

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If you are planning on attending college, you will need to take the SAT or a similar entrance exam. Students who prepare and seek SAT prep help in weak areas often outperform others who don’t take these steps.

1) Students can take a practice SAT and see how they score. You can determine from this score if there are areas that need improvement. Tutoring programs can offer you the opportunity to take a practice test, in some cases.

2) Students can choose from many types of SAT prep help and resources. One-on-one tutoring can be the solution if you don’t have a regular schedule. A tutor can target your individual needs and meet whenever both schedules allow.

3) Meeting with a group of other students to prepare for the SAT can be another option of SAT prep help. This can help defray costs and some students prefer the small group setting. You can still receive individualized attention in a small group.

4) Online SAT tutoring is available today. This option can also be great for students with busy schedules. Students may find it to be less costly than a private tutor.

5) SAT preparation classes are offered in many cities and towns. Young people can search for these online and in local newspapers. These classes are not as individualized as some other forms of preparation, but they do help improve scores. Students who just need some extra confidence may especially find them helpful.

6) Whatever type of SAT prep help you choose, the tutor or teacher should help you determine what areas you need to improve. If you can’t finish the test in the allotted time, you need to work on pacing yourself during the test and keeping track of time versus the number of questions.

7) Some students may not know many answers on the practice test. In this case, they may need to work on content review. A capable tutor will know the content areas and questions most commonly asked on the SAT. The student can then focus on reviewing those areas.

8) Errors may have occurred on the practice test due to not reading carefully. Students can practice reading each question thoroughly and keeping up with their time. A tutor or tutoring service can assist you with this practice.

No matter what your problem area may be, SAT prep help solutions exist. It is definitely worthwhile to look into SAT preparation so you will be able to enter the college of your choice.

About Dr. Patricia Fioriello

Dr. Patricia Fioriello provides quality resources for the K-12 school community. She publishes articles, eguides and ebooks addressing the critical issues in today’s schools. Her three education blogs – DRPFConsults, High School Mediator and Kids Learn to Blog offer a wealth of information, resources and practical solutions for educators, parents and students. Her eguides discuss the most current hot topics in education and her recent ebook, “Teaching Literacy: Keeping Up with the Times” examines the relationship between technology and the way we teach children to read and write. Visit Dr. Fioriello’s writing service, Get-a-Writer to find solutions to your writing needs.

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